when apology can’t solve things

when i open my mouth, i said my words, it hurt you

when i express what i have in my mind, it hurt you

when i be myself, within all my weaknesses and imperfections, it hurt you

so with all consideration, i changed, so that i won’t hurt you

when i impose myself not to speak anything, in order not to insult you, it hurt you

when i deliberately step afar from you, it hurt you

when i told you that i’m afraid that you still mad at me, it hurt you

when i unknowingly keeps to be fearful and watch my actions very carefully towards you, it hurt you even more

so i’m asking myself, why we always go back and forth like this?

aren’t we meant to be friend?

when you mad you ignored me, then i assumed you’re angry with me so i stop talk to you too

because i’m afraid that i got hurt too, after long period, finally we make peace with each other,

but not for long, because i’m not perfect, i made mistakes, and i hurt your feelings again.

so our relationship are always goes in this circle, going around and around.

truthfully i’m tired, but at the same time i love you as a friend.

i don’t want to be your enemy or sore in your eyes,

all i can do is just wait for you to accept my apology,

then after that, i don’t know, i don’t know, i really don’t know

how to face you anymore, i don’t want to spent my life as a people’s pleaser anymore

i already told God i’m tired with it, and ask Him to deliver me from this burden

i know maybe i’m selfish to want everybody whom i hurt to forgive me, but at least when your friends apologized, you will considers his/her apology right?

gosh, i really want to give up this time.